Faithfulness in Marriage & Speech

Group Discussion. Your group has been asked to write an article for Good Partners Magazine entitled “The Top Ten Reasons Why Marriages Fail.” What reasons will you give for the breakup of marriages?

1. Lack of Communication - Poor communication is one of the primary reasons marriages fall apart. When couples stop sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, misunderstandings and resentment can build.

2. Infidelity - Affairs and extramarital relationships breach trust and emotional bonds, often leading to the breakdown of a marriage. Trust, once broken, can be difficult to rebuild.

3. Financial Strain - Disagreements about money, debt, and financial priorities can cause tension in marriages. Financial instability or differing views on spending and saving often lead to conflict.

4. Unresolved Conflicts - Every couple faces challenges, but when issues are avoided or left unresolved, they can fester, leading to deep-seated resentment and eventual separation.

5. Growing Apart - As life progresses, couples may grow apart due to changes in interests, values, or priorities. Lack of effort to maintain the relationship’s bond can make partners feel disconnected.

6. Lack of Intimacy - Physical and emotional intimacy are crucial for a healthy marriage. A lack of affection or sexual dissatisfaction can create distance and cause emotional withdrawal.

7. Unrealistic Expectations - Entering marriage with unrealistic expectations about roles, responsibilities, or life after marriage can lead to disappointment when reality doesn't match those expectations.

8. Constant Criticism and Contempt - When one or both partners engage in constant criticism, blame, or show contempt for the other, it erodes the foundation of respect and love necessary for a successful marriage.

9. Lack of Commitment or Effort  - Marriage requires consistent effort, compromise, and dedication from both partners. When one partner becomes indifferent or unwilling to put in the necessary work, the relationship can deteriorate.

10. Incompatibility or Different Life Goals - Over time, couples may realize they have incompatible values, beliefs, or life goals. If they are unable to reconcile these differences, it often leads to separation.

Personal Reflection. If you are married, ask God to use this study to give you some insight into your marriage. If you are single, ask God to use this study to help you encourage someone who is married.

Questions

  1. How do Jesus’ statements contrast with the questions he was asked?

Jesus’ responses sharply contrast with the questions He is asked by focusing on a deeper understanding of marriage and human relationships, rather than just legalistic interpretations.

Matthew 5:31-37  

In this passage, Jesus addresses the issue of divorce and making oaths:

1. Question/Statement in Focus:  

Jesus refers to the common teaching at the time, which allowed a man to divorce his wife by simply giving her a certificate of divorce (Matthew 5:31). This practice had become a legally accepted but morally shallow solution to marital issues.

2. Jesus' Contrast:  

Jesus deepens the understanding of marriage by emphasizing its sanctity. He teaches that divorce leads to adultery, except in cases of sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32). This raises the moral bar far beyond the technical legality of divorce, stressing that marriage is not just a contract that can be easily broken, but a covenant with God.

Similarly, regarding oaths, He contrasts the legalistic practice of swearing by various things (heaven, earth, Jerusalem) with His call to simple truthfulness: "Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’" (Matthew 5:37). Jesus shows that integrity should not depend on external vows but on the inner commitment to truth.

Matthew 19:3-9  

Here, Jesus is confronted directly by the Pharisees, who test Him on the subject of divorce:

1. Question Asked by the Pharisees:  

The Pharisees ask Jesus, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” (Matthew 19:3). Their question is legalistic, focusing on whether divorce is permissible under the Law of Moses, which allowed for it with certain conditions (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

2. Jesus' Contrast:  

Instead of engaging directly with their narrow, legal question, Jesus takes them back to the creation ideal, citing Genesis:  

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?”  (Matthew 19:4-5).  

Here, Jesus elevates the discussion to God’s original design for marriage: a lifelong, unbreakable union. He emphasizes that divorce was only permitted because of the hardness of human hearts, not as part of God’s will (Matthew 19:8).

3. Exception for Sexual Immorality:  

Jesus does make a specific exception for sexual immorality, acknowledging that in cases of adultery or unfaithfulness, the marital covenant may be broken (Matthew 19:9). However, His primary message is that divorce should not be treated lightly or as an easy escape from marital challenges.

Main Contrast:

  • Legalism vs. Moral and Spiritual Depth: 
    The Pharisees and the common understanding of the time focused on the letter of the law—what is permissible under the Law of Moses. Jesus, however, shifts the conversation to God’s original intention for marriage, emphasizing the sanctity, commitment, and moral seriousness of the relationship. Rather than focusing on the technicalities of divorce, Jesus calls for a restoration of God’s vision for marriage as a lifelong, faithful covenant.
  • Covenantal Commitment: 
    In both passages, Jesus contrasts superficial, human practices—whether regarding divorce or making oaths—with a call to faithfulness, truth, and the deeper spiritual realities that these outward actions should reflect.

Jesus uses these questions as opportunities to teach about God’s higher standard for marriage, one rooted in creation and covenant faithfulness, rather than in legalistic permissions.

  1. Rabbi Shammai taught that divorce was permitted only in extreme cases. Rabbi Hillel taught that it was permitted for any and every reason. How does this help us to understand the Pharisees’ “test” question (19:3)

The debate between Rabbi Shammai (50BC-AD30) and Rabbi Hillel (110BC-AD10) on the issue of divorce provides valuable context for understanding the Pharisees' "test" question in Matthew 19:3. Here's how their differing views frame the Pharisees' approach to Jesus:

Background on the Schools of Shammai and Hillel:

  • Rabbi Shammai (more conservative) held that divorce was only permissible in extreme cases, such as serious offenses—primarily sexual immorality (adultery). His view placed strict limitations on the grounds for divorce.
  • Rabbi Hillel (more liberal) allowed divorce for almost any cause, even for trivial reasons, such as if a wife burned her husband’s food or failed to please him in some way. His followers interpreted the phrase "indecency" (Deuteronomy 24:1) very broadly, allowing men to divorce their wives for relatively minor offenses.

The Pharisees' Test Question:

In Matthew 19:3, the Pharisees ask Jesus: “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?”  

This question directly aligns with the ongoing debate between these two rabbinic schools. The phrase "for any cause" reflects the liberal view of Rabbi Hillel, which permitted divorce for almost any reason.

Testing Jesus' Position:  

The Pharisees were testing Jesus to see which side He would take in this contentious debate. By asking whether it was lawful to divorce "for any cause," they were trying to trap Him into either aligning with one of the dominant schools of thought or perhaps saying something that could be used against Him.

Potential Outcomes:

  • If Jesus sided with Rabbi Shammai, He would adopt a stricter view on divorce, but this could alienate those who followed the more lenient and popular views of Rabbi Hillel.
  • If Jesus sided with Rabbi Hillel, He might appear to be undermining the sanctity of marriage, which could contradict His previous teachings on the permanence of marriage (as seen in Matthew 5:31-32).

The Pharisees likely believed that whichever answer Jesus gave, they could use it to discredit Him or stir up controversy among His followers.

Jesus’ Response:

Instead of aligning with either side of the debate, Jesus reframes the discussion by going back to God’s original intention for marriage as found in Genesis. He says:  

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:4-6).

Jesus Rejects the Legalism of Both Sides:  

Rather than choosing between the stricter or more lenient interpretation of divorce laws, Jesus elevates the conversation to focus on God's ideal for marriage, emphasizing that marriage is a sacred union that should not be broken by human decisions. His response implies that divorce was never part of God's original design.

Allowance for Divorce in Extreme Cases:  

While Jesus does acknowledge an exception for sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9), which echoes the stricter view of Rabbi Shammai, His overall message emphasizes the permanence of marriage and God's original intent, thus surpassing both the legalistic interpretations of the day.

Understanding the Pharisees’ Test:

The Pharisees’ question was designed to force Jesus into a divisive rabbinic debate, but Jesus instead redirects the conversation to the heart of God's law rather than the letter of human traditions. His response highlights that marriage is a divine institution, not something to be easily dissolved, even if certain legal permissions were granted in the past due to human hardness of heart.

The Shammai-Hillel debate helps us understand the Pharisees' motive: they wanted to catch Jesus in a theological trap by forcing Him to take sides on a hotly debated issue. However, Jesus avoids this trap by grounding His response in God's creation ordinance, thereby transcending the human-centered legal debates.

  1. Jesus points back to Genesis. What does this teach us about God’s original design for marriage (19:4-6)?

In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus points back to Genesis to highlight God’s original design for marriage. By doing so, He emphasizes several key principles about marriage as God intended it from the beginning. Here's what we can learn from Jesus' teaching:

1. Marriage is a Divine Institution  

Jesus begins by referring to Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24, saying, “He who created them from the beginning made them male and female.” This teaches that marriage is not merely a human or cultural arrangement but something established by God at creation. It is designed by God as part of His divine plan for humanity, not just a social contract.

2. Marriage is Between One Man and One Woman  

By quoting Genesis, Jesus affirms that marriage is designed to be between one man and one woman: "male and female He created them." This underscores the complementarity of the sexes in marriage, where each partner plays a unique and irreplaceable role in the union. The two genders come together to form a whole, fulfilling God’s purpose for companionship, partnership, and family.

3. Marriage is a Lifelong Union  

Jesus quotes Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  

This passage teaches that marriage involves leaving the previous family unit and cleaving (or "holding fast") to one’s spouse in a permanent, exclusive bond. The phrase "one flesh" signifies the profound unity that is created in marriage—a union not meant to be broken. It implies that the relationship between husband and wife is to be stronger and more enduring than any other human relationship.

4. Marriage is a Sacred Covenant  

Jesus concludes by stating, "So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." This emphasizes that marriage is not just a physical or emotional union but a spiritual bond—something that God Himself joins together. Because God is the one who unites the couple, it should not be easily dissolved or broken by human decisions like divorce.

5. Marriage Reflects God's Faithfulness  

By pointing back to Genesis, Jesus highlights that marriage is meant to reflect God’s own faithfulness. Just as God is committed to His people in an unbreakable covenant, marriage is designed to mirror that steadfast commitment and love. The "one flesh" bond signifies unity, trust, and faithfulness between spouses, as God intended it.

Key Lessons from God's Design for Marriage:

  • Divine Origin: Marriage is instituted by God, making it sacred and more than a legal contract.
  • Unity and Permanence: Marriage unites a man and a woman into "one flesh," signifying an inseparable bond that is meant to last a lifetime.
  • Exclusive Commitment: Marriage calls for a leaving of previous familial ties and forming a new, exclusive covenant between husband and wife.
  • Reflection of God's Covenant: Marriage mirrors God’s faithful and lasting commitment to His people.

By referring to Genesis in Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus teaches that God’s original design for marriage is a lifelong, faithful, and sacred union between a man and a woman. It reflects the divine nature of commitment and unity, and it is not meant to be broken by human actions like divorce, except in the most extreme cases. This underscores the sanctity and importance of marriage as God intended from the very beginning.

  1. How can you prepare for a marriage that meets God’s original design?

Preparing for a marriage that aligns with God’s original design requires intentional spiritual, emotional, and practical efforts. Here are some key ways to prepare for such a marriage:

1. Strengthen Your Relationship with God

A marriage rooted in God’s design begins with each individual’s personal relationship with God.  

  • Seek a Christ-centered life: Make time for prayer, Bible study, and regular worship, growing in your faith and understanding of God’s will for your life.
  • Trust in God’s guidance: Rely on God's wisdom to direct your steps, particularly in finding and nurturing a relationship with a future spouse.

Jesus taught that God is the one who "joins together" the couple (Matthew 19:6), so putting Him at the center of your life helps ensure that your relationship will follow His design.

2. Understand the Purpose of Marriage

God designed marriage with specific purposes in mind, as seen in Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:22-33. It’s important to understand these purposes:

  • Companionship: Marriage provides mutual support and friendship (Genesis 2:18). Seek a partner with whom you can build a deep, Christ-centered friendship.
  • Reflect God’s love: Marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s sacrificial love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25-27). Prepare to love your spouse unconditionally and sacrificially, putting their needs before your own.
  • Unity and Commitment: Marriage is a covenant of unity and permanence. Embrace a mindset of lifelong commitment, reflecting the "one flesh" bond that God intended.

3. Cultivate Christlike Character

A marriage according to God’s design thrives when both partners are growing in Christlike character:

  • Love and humility: Embrace selflessness, love, patience, and humility, as outlined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. These traits build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.
  • Forgiveness and grace: Be ready to forgive and show grace in conflict, as no relationship is without challenges (Colossians 3:13).
  • Integrity and truthfulness: Be honest and trustworthy, fostering an environment of transparency and respect (Ephesians 4:25).

4. Seek Guidance and Mentorship

Marriage is a major life decision, and it’s wise to seek counsel from trusted spiritual leaders, mentors, or married couples who model godly marriages.

  • Premarital counseling: Engage in Christian premarital counseling to understand God’s design for marriage, identify potential challenges, and build a foundation of communication.
  • Mentors: Find a mentor couple who can guide you in living out God’s principles in marriage.

5. Commit to Lifelong Learning and Growth

Marriage is a journey of growth and adaptation. Be prepared to keep learning how to love, communicate, and serve your spouse as seasons of life change.

  • Learn conflict resolution: Develop skills for handling disagreements in a way that honors God, such as through active listening, patience, and reconciliation (Ephesians 4:31-32).
  • Practice servant leadership: Follow Christ’s example by serving one another in marriage (Philippians 2:3-4).

6. Pursue Emotional and Relational Health

Emotional and relational maturity is essential for a healthy marriage.

  • Work on personal healing: Address any unresolved emotional issues, past wounds, or unhealthy habits that could hinder your future relationship. Seek healing and wholeness in Christ.
  • Build healthy communication habits: Develop good communication skills—listening, empathy, and the ability to express thoughts and feelings respectfully—before entering marriage.

7. Honor Purity and Commitment Before Marriage

God’s design for marriage includes sexual purity and faithfulness.

  • Maintain purity: God’s plan is for sexual intimacy to be within the confines of marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Commit to honoring this principle, keeping yourself pure in both thought and action.
  • Guard your heart: Be intentional in your dating or courtship, ensuring that the relationship honors God and helps prepare you both for a lifelong commitment.

8. Seek Compatibility in Faith and Values

A marriage that meets God’s design flourishes when both partners share the same faith and values:

  • Marry a fellow believer: As 2 Corinthians 6:14 encourages, seek to be “equally yoked” with a spouse who shares your commitment to Christ. This spiritual unity forms a strong foundation.
  • Align life goals: Discuss and agree on key aspects of life—such as views on family, finances, career, and service to God—so that you walk together in unity.

9. Pray for Your Future Marriage

Regular prayer for your future spouse, your marriage, and your own growth in preparation for marriage invites God’s guidance and blessing.

  • Pray for wisdom: Ask God for discernment in choosing a spouse and preparing for marriage according to His will (James 1:5).
  • Pray for your future spouse: Even before you meet or marry, pray that God is shaping and preparing them as well.

10. Trust in God’s Timing

Finally, trust that God’s timing and plan for your marriage are perfect. Avoid rushing into a relationship due to pressure or impatience, but wait on God’s provision (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Preparing for a marriage that meets God’s original design involves deepening your relationship with Christ, cultivating Christlike character, seeking guidance, and committing to the principles of unity, love, and lifelong faithfulness. By aligning your heart with God’s will, you can build a strong, God-centered marriage.

What difference does God’s design make in living as a married couple?

Living as a married couple according to God’s design makes a profound difference in the quality, purpose, and strength of the relationship. When a marriage reflects God’s intentions, it transforms the union into a covenant built on love, mutual respect, and a shared spiritual foundation. Here’s how God's design impacts marriage:

1. A Christ-Centered Foundation  

God’s design for marriage places Christ at the center, making Him the ultimate source of love, guidance, and strength. A Christ-centered marriage prioritizes the couple’s relationship with God, which serves as the foundation for everything else.

  • Spiritual unity: Both partners share a deep connection in their faith, praying together, reading Scripture, and seeking God’s will for their lives. This spiritual bond brings purpose and unity.
  • Dependence on God’s grace: A couple committed to God’s design acknowledges that they need His grace to love and serve one another well, especially during difficult times.

2. Commitment to Lifelong Unity

In God's design, marriage is a permanent covenant, reflecting His faithfulness and commitment. This understanding shapes the couple's approach to challenges and trials.

  • A lifelong bond: The idea of "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24) means that the couple sees themselves as inseparable, working together through all circumstances rather than seeing divorce as an easy option.
  • Perseverance through trials: God’s design teaches that marriage is for life. Couples who embrace this are more willing to work through difficult seasons, knowing that God has joined them together (Matthew 19:6).

3. Selfless Love and Sacrifice

God's design for marriage calls for a selfless, sacrificial love, modeled after Christ's love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). This makes a significant difference in how spouses treat each other.

  • Serving one another: Following Christ’s example, both husband and wife are called to serve each other, putting the needs and well-being of their spouse above their own (Philippians 2:3-4). This prevents selfishness from taking root and promotes mutual care.
  • Forgiveness and grace: Just as Christ forgives His people, couples are called to forgive each other in love (Colossians 3:13). God’s design fosters an atmosphere of grace and mercy, where conflicts are resolved with understanding rather than bitterness.

4. Clear Roles with Mutual Respect

God’s design includes distinct yet complementary roles for husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22-33). When followed, these roles bring balance and respect.

  • Loving leadership and respect: Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25), and wives are called to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). This creates a partnership built on love and mutual honor.
  • Equality before God: Although there are different roles, God’s design emphasizes the equality of men and women as both are created in His image (Genesis 1:27). There is no hierarchy of worth, but rather a complementary relationship that brings out the best in both.

5. God’s Design as a Model of Faithfulness

A marriage grounded in God’s design reflects God’s own faithfulness to His people. This understanding encourages couples to remain faithful to each other.

  • A picture of Christ and the Church: Ephesians 5:31-32 shows that marriage is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and His Church. As Christ is faithful to the Church, so spouses are called to be faithful to each other, demonstrating God's faithfulness in their covenant.
  • Trust and security: In a marriage where both partners are committed to this design, there is a deep sense of trust and security. The couple knows that their bond is not based on fleeting emotions, but on a covenant that mirrors God’s eternal faithfulness.

6. God’s Design Promotes Communication and Unity

God’s plan for marriage emphasizes unity and openness. Couples living according to this design seek to grow closer together, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

  • Open communication: A marriage reflecting God's design encourages honest, loving communication. Couples are motivated to resolve conflicts quickly, speak truth in love, and listen with empathy (Ephesians 4:29).
  • Shared goals and purpose: A couple united in their faith shares a common purpose—to honor God in their marriage. This creates a deeper bond as they grow together in their walk with Christ and pursue their shared mission of serving Him.

7. Protection Against Temptation and Sin

Living according to God’s design offers protection from many of the challenges that can undermine marriage, such as infidelity or unresolved conflict.

  • Fidelity and purity: God’s design for marriage promotes sexual purity and faithfulness, which strengthens the marital bond and protects against the temptations of infidelity (Hebrews 13:4).
  • Resolving conflict: The biblical principles of forgiveness and reconciliation help couples deal with disagreements in a healthy way, preventing long-term damage from unresolved conflict (Ephesians 4:31-32).

8. Children Benefit from God’s Design

In a marriage that reflects God’s design, children also benefit from the stability, love, and faithfulness they witness in their parents’ relationship.

  • A nurturing environment: Children raised in a home where God’s design is honored are more likely to experience security, emotional stability, and a clear understanding of love and respect.
  • A godly example: Parents model for their children what a godly marriage looks like, teaching them biblical values and preparing them to enter into their own Christ-centered relationships in the future (Proverbs 22:6).

9. Marriage as a Testimony to Others

When a couple lives according to God’s design, their marriage becomes a powerful testimony to the world of God’s love and grace.

  • A witness to God’s love: A marriage built on God’s principles stands out in a culture where many relationships are short-lived or conditional. It becomes a testimony of enduring love, faithfulness, and God’s transformative power.
  • Encouraging other couples: A godly marriage can inspire others to pursue relationships that reflect God’s design, encouraging them to seek God’s wisdom for their own marriages.

10. Joy and Fulfillment

Finally, living according to God’s design brings deep joy and fulfillment. When a marriage is aligned with God's will, both partners experience the richness of love and companionship as He intended.

  • A deepened connection: By living out biblical principles, couples find a deeper emotional, physical, and spiritual connection, leading to a more satisfying and joyful relationship.
  • God’s blessings: When a couple follows God’s design, they experience His blessing on their marriage, knowing that they are fulfilling His purpose for their relationship (Psalm 128:1-4).

God’s design makes a significant difference in marriage by fostering a Christ-centered, selfless, and lifelong union that reflects His love and faithfulness. It promotes unity, commitment, and joy, ultimately providing the couple with a solid foundation to navigate life’s challenges and build a lasting, fulfilling relationship.

  1. The Pharisees refer to Moses’ instructions about divorce as a “command” (v. 7). What does Jesus’ reply teach us about divorce (v. 8)?

The Pharisees refer to Moses’ instructions about divorce as a "command," saying, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” In verse 8, Jesus responds by saying: “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.”

Jesus’ reply teaches us several important truths about divorce:

1. Divorce Was Permitted Due to Human Sinfulness, Not God’s Ideal

Jesus explains that Moses’ instructions about divorce were not a command from God, but a concession made because of the “hardness of heart” of the people. This means that divorce was allowed as a way to manage the realities of human sinfulness and brokenness, but it was not part of God's original design for marriage.  

  • Hardness of heart refers to the stubbornness and sinful nature of humanity that leads to the breakdown of relationships. In the case of marriage, it indicates a failure to live out the selfless love, commitment, and faithfulness that God intended.
  • God’s ideal for marriage, as Jesus points out, goes back to the creation account in Genesis, where marriage was designed to be a lifelong, unbreakable union between one man and one woman (Matthew 19:4-6). Divorce disrupts this ideal.

2. Divorce Was a Concession, Not a Command

By stating that divorce was “allowed” due to the hardness of heart, Jesus clarifies that it was never a command. The Pharisees misunderstood Moses’ instructions in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which permitted divorce under certain circumstances, interpreting it as though it were a command to divorce. Jesus corrects this by emphasizing that Moses permitted it only to regulate the situation and protect the vulnerable (particularly women) in a broken world.

  • Divorce was a concession to human weakness, but it was not part of God’s original will. This distinction is crucial, as it reframes the issue from a legal matter of what is permissible to a moral and spiritual question of what reflects God’s purpose for marriage.

3. Divorce Is Not Part of God’s Original Plan

Jesus reiterates that “from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8). This means that God's original design for marriage, as established in Genesis, did not include divorce. Marriage, according to God's design, was meant to be permanent—an unbreakable covenant where two people become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).  

  • Jesus’ emphasis on God's original intent points to the importance of understanding marriage as a sacred and lifelong union. In God's eyes, marriage is not something to be dissolved at will, but rather a covenant meant to endure through love, commitment, and mutual support.

4. Divorce Reflects Human Brokenness

Jesus’ reply highlights that divorce exists because of human brokenness and sin. It is a reflection of the fall and the imperfections in human relationships.  

  • By pointing to the hardness of heart as the reason for divorce, Jesus implies that divorce arises when people fail to live in love, forgiveness, and faithfulness—the characteristics that should define a God-centered marriage. Divorce, then, is a result of the inability or unwillingness to fulfill the covenant of marriage as God intended.

5. God’s Mercy in Regulating Divorce

Though divorce is not part of God’s original plan, Moses’ allowance for divorce reflects God’s mercy and desire to mitigate further harm in a fallen world.  

  • The certificate of divorce in the Mosaic Law (Deuteronomy 24:1) served as a way to protect the woman, allowing her to remarry without the stigma of adultery. This was an important legal provision in ancient times to safeguard those who would be left vulnerable by divorce. Jesus acknowledges that this was permitted because of the sinful nature of humanity, but He emphasizes that it was not God's ultimate desire for marriage.

Jesus teaches us that divorce was never part of God's original design for marriage, but was allowed due to human sinfulness and hardness of heart. Marriage, according to God's intent, is meant to be a lifelong, committed union, and divorce reflects the brokenness that results from human failure to live according to God's will. While divorce may be necessary in certain circumstances (such as cases of adultery, which Jesus acknowledges in Matthew 19:9), it is not something to be pursued lightly, as it falls short of the ideal of God's original plan for marriage.

In what ways might divorce reveal the hardness of our hearts?

Divorce can reveal the hardness of our hearts in several significant ways. When Jesus referred to the "hardness of heart" in Matthew 19:8, He was pointing to the stubbornness, selfishness, and sinfulness that often contribute to the breakdown of a marriage. Here are some ways in which divorce might reveal the hardness of our hearts:

1. Lack of Forgiveness  

A hardened heart is often unwilling to forgive. In any relationship, especially in marriage, offenses and mistakes are inevitable. God calls us to extend grace and forgive each other just as He has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).  

  • Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness and resentment, which can build over time and ultimately cause a couple to become emotionally distant. When one or both spouses refuse to forgive, reconciliation becomes nearly impossible, and the relationship may end in divorce.

2. Selfishness and Pride  

Self-centeredness is another common expression of a hardened heart. Instead of seeking the good of their spouse, individuals may focus primarily on their own desires, preferences, or happiness.  

  • Selfishness can manifest in neglect, disrespect, or the refusal to compromise, making it difficult to maintain a healthy marriage. When people prioritize their personal wants over the well-being of their marriage, it can lead to conflict and division.
  • Pride prevents people from admitting their mistakes, seeking reconciliation, or asking for help. This refusal to humble oneself and work toward healing the relationship can be a major factor in divorce.

3. Unwillingness to Reconcile  

A hardened heart is resistant to reconciliation and healing. Marriage requires effort, humility, and a willingness to resolve conflicts.  

  • Stubbornness and a refusal to work through difficult issues can lead to an emotional or physical separation. In some cases, one or both spouses may feel justified in holding on to anger or bitterness, refusing to seek resolution. Divorce often reveals this unwillingness to reconcile and move toward healing.
  • A heart that is closed off to the idea of rebuilding trust or showing grace may give up on the relationship instead of fighting for its restoration.

4. Failure to Prioritize God’s Will in Marriage  

A hardened heart may fail to recognize or submit to God’s design for marriage as a sacred, lifelong covenant.  

  • Ignoring God’s will: Instead of honoring God’s intent for marriage—faithfulness, unity, and mutual love—a hardened heart may prioritize personal desires or social norms over spiritual obedience. This can result in people viewing marriage as a temporary arrangement rather than a permanent covenant.
  • Lack of spiritual commitment: Divorce can sometimes reveal a lack of spiritual discipline and a failure to cultivate a Christ-centered marriage. When a couple neglects their relationship with God, their bond with each other may weaken.

5. Refusal to Work Through Challenges  

All marriages face challenges, whether due to personal differences, external pressures, or life's difficulties. A hardened heart may resist working through these challenges, leading to emotional withdrawal or avoidance.

  • Avoidance of effort: Marriage requires patience, effort, and perseverance. A hardened heart may lead someone to seek the easier path of giving up rather than putting in the work to improve the relationship.
  • Impatience and frustration: When challenges arise, a hardened heart may be quick to become frustrated, viewing marriage as a burden rather than a covenant worth protecting and nurturing.

6. Adultery or Betrayal  

A hardened heart may lead to infidelity, which is one of the most devastating reasons for divorce. Adultery often stems from selfishness, a lack of self-control, or emotional disconnection.

  • Betrayal reflects a failure to honor the marriage vows and indicates a disregard for the spouse’s feelings, trust, and commitment. It reveals a heart that has become callous toward the covenant of marriage and the value of faithfulness.

7. Failure to Love Sacrificially  

God’s design for marriage calls for sacrificial love, modeled after Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). A hardened heart may resist this kind of selfless love, leading instead to a focus on what one can "get" out of the relationship rather than what one can give.

  • Withholding love: When a spouse withholds affection, support, or kindness, it creates emotional distance and damages the bond of marriage. This failure to love in a Christlike way can be a major contributor to divorce.

8. Contempt and Lack of Respect  

When a heart becomes hardened, it often leads to contempt and a lack of respect for the spouse. Over time, this can erode the foundation of the marriage.

  • Harsh words and criticism: Constant criticism, belittling, or showing contempt can destroy the emotional connection between spouses. When contempt replaces respect, the marriage becomes toxic, often leading to its dissolution.
  • Dismissal of the spouse's value: A hardened heart may fail to honor and respect the spouse as an equal partner in the marriage, leading to disrespectful behavior, neglect, or even emotional or physical abuse.

9. Disregard for God’s Covenant  

Marriage is not just a legal agreement but a spiritual covenant made before God. A hardened heart may lose sight of the sacredness of this covenant.

  • Taking the covenant lightly: Divorce often reveals a disregard for the spiritual weight of the marriage covenant. When a person views marriage as a contract that can be easily broken rather than a holy bond, it reflects a failure to grasp its true significance.

10. Blaming the Other Spouse  

A hardened heart may lead to blame-shifting, where one spouse places all responsibility for the marriage's struggles on the other. This refusal to take responsibility for one's own faults or sins can prevent healing and reconciliation.

  • Unwillingness to self-reflect: Instead of recognizing personal shortcomings or the need for growth, a hardened heart may focus on blaming the spouse, avoiding any personal accountability. This creates a toxic dynamic and often leads to the breakdown of the relationship.

Divorce often reveals the hardness of our hearts in various ways—through unforgiveness, pride, selfishness, unwillingness to reconcile, and a failure to love sacrificially. Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:8 that divorce exists because of human brokenness, and it reflects the sinful nature that can damage relationships. However, God’s design for marriage calls for love, humility, forgiveness, and perseverance. A heart softened by God’s grace is more able to navigate the challenges of marriage in a way that honors the sacred covenant He intended.

  1. What similarities and differences are there between 19:9 and 5:31-32?

Similarities:

1. Exception for Sexual Immorality:  

Both passages make an exception for divorce in the case of sexual immorality (Greek: *porneia*).  

  • Matthew 19:9: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”  
  • Matthew 5:32: “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery.”

In both, Jesus acknowledges that sexual immorality is a legitimate reason for divorce, though it’s not God’s original desire.

2. Adultery Following Divorce and Remarriage:  

Both passages emphasize that remarriage after an illegitimate divorce leads to adultery.  

  • Matthew 19:9: Remarrying after a divorce (unless due to sexual immorality) results in adultery for the divorcing party.  
  • Matthew 5:32: The man who divorces his wife (without just cause) causes her to commit adultery if she remarries, and the person who marries her commits adultery as well.

3. Upholding the Sanctity of Marriage:  

In both verses, Jesus is clearly upholding the sanctity of marriage by discouraging casual or unjust divorce. He calls for marriage to be seen as a permanent covenant, only breakable in serious circumstances like sexual immorality.

Differences:

1. Focus on Responsibility:  

Matthew 19:9 focuses on the divorcing spouse and their responsibility if they remarry after an illegitimate divorce, while Matthew 5:31-32 places more emphasis on the consequences for the divorced spouse and others who remarry.

  • Matthew 19:9: The divorcing spouse who remarries commits adultery.
  • Matthew 5:32: The divorcing husband causes his wife to commit adultery if she remarries, shifting responsibility somewhat to the initiating spouse.

2. Audience and Context:  

Matthew 19:9 is part of a direct dialogue with the Pharisees, who are testing Jesus on the legal grounds for divorce, whereas Matthew 5:31-32 is part of the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus is addressing a broader audience and explaining the deeper spiritual intent behind God’s law.

  • Matthew 19:9: Jesus responds to a legalistic test from religious leaders.
  • Matthew 5:31-32: Jesus teaches a general moral principle to the crowds, contrasting common legal practices with God’s higher standard.

3. Impact on the Divorced Wife:  

Matthew 5:31-32 explicitly states that a man who divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery if she remarries, placing additional emphasis on the consequences for the woman. This detail is absent in Matthew 19:9, where the focus is on the man’s own actions.

  • Matthew 5:32: Divorce without grounds of immorality leads to the wife (and potentially the new spouse) committing adultery.
  • Matthew 19:9: The passage focuses on the husband’s responsibility if he divorces and remarries unjustly.

Both passages emphasize the gravity of divorce and remarriage, but Matthew 19:9 focuses on answering the Pharisees’ question about lawful divorce, while Matthew 5:31-32 is a broader teaching on maintaining the sanctity of marriage.

How do these verses stress the seriousness of divorce?

Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:9 both stress the seriousness of divorce by highlighting its moral and spiritual consequences, focusing on the sanctity of marriage and the gravity of breaking the marital covenant. Here are several ways these verses convey the weightiness of divorce:

1. Divorce Leads to Adultery

In both passages, Jesus directly links divorce to adultery when the divorce is done without legitimate grounds:

  • Matthew 5:32: “Everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery.”  
  • Matthew 19:9: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” 

By connecting divorce and remarriage to adultery, Jesus emphasizes that divorce is not simply a legal or relational matter but a moral and spiritual violation. The fact that unjust divorce leads to adultery highlights the profound seriousness of breaking the marital bond.

2. Marriage is a Lifelong Covenant

Both passages underscore that marriage is intended to be a lifelong union, rooted in God’s original design (Matthew 19:4-6). Jesus points back to Genesis, teaching that in marriage, two people become "one flesh," which is a divine, unbreakable bond.

  • Matthew 19:6: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”  

This teaches that marriage is more than a contract; it is a covenant before God. By treating divorce as something that leads to adultery, Jesus shows that breaking this covenant is a serious offense, not just against a spouse, but against God’s design for marriage.

3. Divorce Causes Harm to All Parties

In Matthew 5:32, Jesus indicates that divorce affects not only the one who initiates it but also the divorced spouse and anyone who marries that person afterward:

  • Matthew 5:32: “Whoever divorces his wife... makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

This reveals that divorce is not an isolated event but one that has far-reaching moral consequences for multiple people. It compounds sin by drawing others into an adulterous situation, showing that divorce disrupts not only the marital relationship but also the broader community of relationships, stressing its seriousness.

4. Divorce Reflects the Hardness of Human Hearts

In Matthew 19:8, Jesus teaches that divorce was permitted by Moses because of the hardness of human hearts, but it was not part of God’s original plan.  

  • Matthew 19:8: “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.”

This reveals that divorce is a symptom of sinfulness, not a reflection of God’s will. Jesus makes it clear that divorce is a concession to human weakness and sin, rather than an acceptable norm. It reflects the brokenness of human relationships rather than the purity of God’s intention for marriage.

5. God's Standard for Marriage is Higher Than Legal Permissiveness

In both passages, Jesus contrasts the legal allowances for divorce with God's higher moral standard. The Pharisees approached the issue from a legalistic perspective, seeking to justify divorce based on technicalities in the law (Matthew 19:3), but Jesus redirects the focus to the spiritual and moral weight of marriage:

  • Matthew 5:32: Jesus contrasts what was "said" about divorce (referring to the law) with His deeper command regarding the true sanctity of marriage.
  • Matthew 19:6: Jesus emphasizes that what God has joined, man should not separate, pointing to the divine origin and permanence of marriage.

By raising the standard beyond what the law permits, Jesus stresses that marriage is not something to be dissolved easily or lightly, but a holy institution that demands commitment and should not be undone except in the most serious of circumstances (i.e., sexual immorality).

Both Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:9 stress the seriousness of divorce by showing its deep moral and spiritual consequences, highlighting that it leads to adultery, disrupts God’s original design for marriage, and results from the hardness of human hearts. Divorce is treated not as a trivial matter but as a profound breach of the marriage covenant, one that has consequences for both the individuals involved and their relationship with God.

  1. How does Jesus’ teaching contrast with today’s views you and your peers have held concerning marriage and divorce?

Jesus' teaching on marriage and divorce, as presented in Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:3-9, often contrasts significantly with modern views of marriage and divorce, particularly those held by many today. Here are a few key areas where Jesus' teaching may differ from contemporary perspectives:

1. Marriage as a Lifelong Covenant vs. Marriage as Conditional

  • Jesus' Teaching: In both passages, Jesus emphasizes that marriage is a lifelong covenant designed by God. He points back to creation, stating that marriage is meant to be permanent: “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). Jesus only permits divorce in cases of sexual immorality and even then, it is seen as a tragic result of human sin.
  • Modern View: Many people today see marriage as conditional, meaning it can be ended when it no longer meets personal expectations or brings happiness. Divorce is often considered a reasonable option if the relationship becomes difficult or if spouses feel incompatible. There is a widespread belief that people should be free to leave a marriage if it isn’t fulfilling their emotional, personal, or professional goals.

2. Divorce as a Symptom of Hardness of Heart vs. Divorce as a Personal Choice

  • Jesus' Teaching: Jesus explains that divorce was allowed by Moses because of the hardness of human hearts (Matthew 19:8). This suggests that divorce is a reflection of sin and relational brokenness, not God's design or will. Jesus teaches that divorce is not to be taken lightly, as it disrupts God's intended purpose for marriage.
  • Modern View: Divorce today is often seen as a personal choice or even a means of pursuing individual freedom and happiness. Many people consider divorce a reasonable solution to relational challenges, such as lack of personal fulfillment, career conflicts, or emotional dissatisfaction. The spiritual and moral weight of divorce, which Jesus stresses, may not always be considered as heavily in modern views.

3. Limited Grounds for Divorce vs. Expansive Grounds for Divorce

  • Jesus' Teaching: In both passages, Jesus limits the grounds for divorce to sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9). This reflects a narrow view of when divorce is permissible, emphasizing that the breaking of the marriage bond is only justifiable in extreme circumstances where the marital covenant is violated through sexual sin.
  • Modern View: In contemporary society, divorce is often seen as acceptable for a wide range of reasons, including incompatibility, personal growth, career differences, financial disagreements, and irreconcilable differences. Many people believe that if a marriage no longer "works" for both parties, it is acceptable to dissolve the marriage regardless of the specific circumstances, which contrasts with Jesus' more stringent view.

4. Divorce and Remarriage as Leading to Adultery vs. Remarriage as a Fresh Start

  • Jesus' Teaching: Jesus makes it clear that divorce and remarriage can result in adultery. In Matthew 5:32, He says that whoever divorces his wife (except for sexual immorality) causes her to commit adultery if she remarries. Similarly, in Matthew 19:9, He states that anyone who divorces (except for sexual immorality) and remarries commits adultery. This teaches that remarriage after an unjust divorce violates the sanctity of the first marriage.
  • Modern View: In today's society, remarriage after divorce is often seen as a chance for a fresh start. Many people believe that once a marriage ends, it is entirely appropriate to move on and find happiness with a new partner, regardless of the reasons for the initial divorce. Remarriage is not usually viewed as morally problematic but rather as a path to personal fulfillment and new beginnings.

5. Marriage as Reflective of God’s Faithfulness vs. Marriage as Primarily a Personal Decision

  • Jesus' Teaching: Jesus’ teaching reflects a view of marriage as a divine institution that mirrors God’s covenant relationship with His people. Marriage is meant to be a reflection of God’s faithfulness and sacrificial love, especially as seen in passages like Ephesians 5:25-32, where the relationship between husband and wife mirrors Christ's relationship with the Church.
  • Modern View: Marriage today is often viewed as a personal decision between two individuals, based on romantic love, mutual interests, and shared life goals. While many people still see marriage as significant, they may not necessarily view it as a covenant before God or as something sacred in the same way that Jesus describes. The idea of marriage reflecting God’s faithfulness may not be a primary consideration in modern relationships.

6. Focus on Selflessness and Commitment vs. Focus on Personal Happiness

  • Jesus' Teaching: Jesus’ teaching on marriage emphasizes selflessness, sacrifice, and lifelong commitment. Marriage, according to God’s design, is a relationship where both spouses are called to love each other sacrificially and remain committed even through difficult times. Divorce is seen as a last resort, only permitted under specific circumstances.
  • Modern View: Many people today view marriage through the lens of personal happiness and fulfillment. If a marriage stops being personally satisfying or becomes too difficult, people may see divorce as a justified way to pursue individual happiness. Personal well-being is often prioritized over maintaining a commitment to the marriage, which contrasts with Jesus' emphasis on selflessness and enduring faithfulness.

Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce often contrasts sharply with modern perspectives. While Jesus views marriage as a sacred, lifelong covenant that should only be broken in cases of sexual immorality, many people today see marriage as a conditional relationship that can be ended if it no longer meets personal expectations or desires. The focus on God’s will, covenantal faithfulness, and the sanctity of marriage in Jesus' teaching stands in contrast to contemporary views that prioritize personal fulfillment, autonomy, and flexibility in relationships. This contrast challenges believers to reconsider how they approach marriage, placing a greater emphasis on the biblical values of commitment, sacrifice, and faithfulness.

  1. Read Matthew 5:33-37. How might the issue of oaths and vows be connected to the topic of marriage and divorce?

In Matthew 5:33-37, Jesus addresses the issue of oaths and vows, calling His followers to live with such integrity that their simple "yes" or "no" would be sufficient, without the need for formal oaths or swearing by anything. He says:  

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” (Matthew 5:33-37, ESV).

This teaching about oaths can be connected to the topic of marriage and divorce in several important ways:

1. Marriage as a Sacred Covenant  

Marriage is fundamentally a covenantal vow made between two people in the presence of God. When couples marry, they are making solemn promises to love, honor, and remain faithful to each other for life. This is a type of vow before God, a promise of lifelong commitment.

  • Just as Jesus calls for integrity in speech, where a simple "yes" or "no" should carry full weight, the vows made in marriage are meant to be honored with utmost sincerity and seriousness.
  • The connection is clear: in both cases (marriage and oaths), the integrity and faithfulness of a person’s word are at stake. Jesus is teaching that the commitment made in marriage should be so trustworthy that no additional swearing or elaborate promises are necessary. A person's "I do" in marriage should be binding, just as their "yes" in daily life should be.

2. Faithfulness to Commitments  

In Matthew 5:33-37, Jesus challenges people to be people of their word, without needing oaths to bolster their reliability. This principle can be directly applied to marriage, where faithfulness to vows is central.

  • When someone makes a vow in marriage, they are making a lifelong commitment. Jesus' teaching encourages us to uphold our promises, especially in the case of marriage, where the commitment is not merely a legal contract but a spiritual covenant.
  • Divorce can often result from a failure to honor the vows made during marriage, reflecting a lack of integrity or commitment to the original promise. Just as Jesus is calling for integrity in keeping one’s word without needing oaths, the marriage vow should be taken seriously and fulfilled faithfully, without seeking a way out or making excuses.

3. Avoiding Casual or Insincere Promises  

Jesus' teaching against taking unnecessary oaths reflects a desire for people to avoid making casual, insincere, or rash commitments. This idea directly applies to marriage, where some may enter into the relationship lightly or without considering the lifelong nature of the covenant.

  • In today's society, some may see marriage as something that can be entered and exited casually, with divorce as an easy option if things don't go as expected. However, Jesus' teaching warns against making vows or commitments (including marriage) lightly or thoughtlessly.
  • A marriage vow is not just a legal arrangement but a serious, lifelong promise. Just as Jesus teaches that we should avoid making frivolous or unnecessary oaths, marriage should be entered into with deep thought, prayer, and understanding of its seriousness. This reflects the weight of the commitment made in marriage.

4. Integrity in Relationships  

Jesus’ teaching about being true to one’s word promotes the idea of integrity and honesty in all relationships, including marriage.

  • A marriage that honors Jesus’ teaching on integrity will involve honesty, transparency, and trustworthiness between spouses. Upholding one's vows in marriage means staying faithful not just in actions but in heart and mind, living out the promises made in the marriage covenant.
  • Divorce can sometimes result from a lack of honesty, transparency, or faithfulness in the relationship. Jesus' emphasis on letting your "yes" mean yes and "no" mean no calls couples to be truthful and consistent in their commitments to each other, reflecting integrity in their actions and words.

5. Trusting God’s Sovereignty in Marriage  

In both Matthew 5:33-37 and His teaching on marriage and divorce, Jesus points back to God's sovereignty and His design. Just as people should not swear by heaven, earth, or Jerusalem because they belong to God, similarly, marriage is God's creation and is to be honored in a way that reflects His authority.

  • When God brings two people together in marriage ("what God has joined together, let not man separate" — Matthew 19:6), the covenant is meant to be kept under His authority. Trusting God's plan for marriage means treating it as sacred and resisting the temptation to break the covenant.
  • By linking the integrity of oaths with trust in God's sovereignty, Jesus' teaching suggests that the vows made in marriage should be held with reverence, recognizing that they are before God and involve His purposes for the couple.

Jesus' teaching on oaths and vows in Matthew 5:33-37 has a clear connection to marriage and divorce, as both involve the seriousness of keeping one's promises and living with integrity. In marriage, the vows made are sacred, and Jesus calls us to honor those commitments with the same level of integrity and faithfulness He requires in everyday speech. His emphasis on truthfulness, commitment, and reverence for God’s authority reinforces the seriousness of the marriage covenant, encouraging couples to live out their vows in a way that reflects God's original design for marriage as a lifelong, faithful union.

  1. The Pharisees had elaborate formulas for oaths, with some being binding and some not (see Matthew 23:16-22). Why is Jesus opposed to oaths?

Jesus is opposed to oaths, as seen in Matthew 5:33-37, because He is calling for a standard of truthfulness and integrity that makes oaths unnecessary. In His teaching, Jesus emphasizes that one's word should be so reliable that there is no need for additional swearing or elaborate formulas to back it up. Here are the main reasons why Jesus opposes oaths:

1. Oaths Undermine Personal Integrity  

Jesus’ teaching focuses on the principle that a person's simple “yes” or “no” should be enough (Matthew 5:37). If people need to swear oaths to guarantee that they are telling the truth, it suggests that their word alone is not trustworthy.  

  • Oaths imply a lack of trustworthiness: When people rely on oaths to prove their honesty, it indicates that their everyday words might not be reliable. Jesus wants His followers to live with such integrity that their words are always trustworthy, without needing to bolster them with oaths. In a community of integrity, swearing by anything beyond a simple affirmation should be unnecessary.

2. Abuse of Oaths  

During Jesus' time, the Pharisees and religious leaders had developed complex rules around which oaths were binding and which were not. In Matthew 23:16-22, Jesus criticizes this practice:  

  • "Woe to you, blind guides, who say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it is nothing, but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.’"  The Pharisees had created a system where some oaths were considered binding, while others were not, depending on what one swore by (such as the temple, the altar, or heaven). This led to manipulation of oaths and a culture of dishonesty, where people could technically "swear" something but not be bound to keep their word if they swore by something seen as less significant.
  • Oaths became a loophole: The Pharisees used these oaths to evade responsibility or deceive others. By creating these distinctions, they could appear to be making solemn promises while intending not to fulfill them. This practice undermined truthfulness and encouraged legalistic technicalities instead of sincere honesty.

3. Oaths Misuse Sacred Things  

In both Matthew 5:34-36 and Matthew 23:16-22, Jesus emphasizes that all oaths ultimately appeal to things that belong to God—whether swearing by heaven (which is God’s throne), by the earth (His footstool), or by Jerusalem (the city of the great King).  

  • Misusing God’s creation: Swearing by these things dishonors God because everything we might swear by is under His authority. Jesus’ point is that people cannot escape responsibility by swearing by something “less sacred.” Ultimately, everything is tied to God, so trying to manipulate the seriousness of an oath by invoking something other than God directly still involves Him.
  • Swearing by oneself: In Matthew 5:36, Jesus says not to swear by one's head because "you cannot make one hair white or black." This shows that people do not even have control over themselves or their future, so swearing by one’s own life or ability is futile. Everything is under God's control, reinforcing the idea that swearing by anything is essentially swearing by God’s creation.

4. Calls for Radical Truthfulness  

Jesus’ opposition to oaths is part of His broader call for radical truthfulness in all aspects of life. He desires His followers to embody such honesty and integrity that formal oaths are unnecessary.

  • Simple, honest speech: Jesus teaches that your word should be enough—“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil” (Matthew 5:37). This reinforces the idea that truthfulness should be part of one's daily life, not something that only comes into play when swearing an oath.
  • Integrity in all relationships: By teaching that a simple yes or no should suffice, Jesus is calling for a lifestyle where one's words are always dependable. Oaths, in contrast, often suggest that truth-telling is optional unless an oath is made, leading to inconsistency in one’s speech.

5. Avoiding Hypocrisy and Legalism  

Jesus opposes the Pharisees’ practice of using oaths because it represents a form of hypocrisy and legalism—focusing on external technicalities rather than the heart. The Pharisees used oaths to create a system where they could appear righteous on the outside while being dishonest in practice.

  • Jesus values sincerity: In both His teaching on oaths and His broader ministry, Jesus consistently condemns hypocritical behavior and calls for heart-level righteousness. Oaths, as manipulated by the Pharisees, encouraged people to look for loopholes and legal technicalities rather than living with sincerity and integrity.

Jesus opposes oaths because they imply a lack of personal integrity, encourage manipulation of the truth, misuse sacred things, and foster hypocrisy. Instead, Jesus calls for a level of truthfulness where one's simple word—"yes" or "no"—is sufficient, without the need for elaborate oaths. This teaching underscores the importance of honesty, integrity, and sincerity in all aspects of life, including relationships like marriage, where vows and promises should be kept with absolute faithfulness.

  1. Does this mean, for example, that we should refuse to give evidence under oath in a court of law? Explain.

No, Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:33-37 about not swearing oaths does not necessarily mean that Christians should refuse to give evidence under oath in a court of law. Instead, His teaching addresses the heart attitude behind making oaths and emphasizes the importance of being truthful in all circumstances, without relying on elaborate formulas or oaths to ensure honesty. Here's an explanation:

1. Jesus’ Focus is on Personal Integrity  

Jesus’ teaching about oaths is centered on the idea that one’s word should always be trustworthy, so there should be no need for an oath to confirm it. His instruction—“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37)—calls for consistency and integrity in speech, whether under oath or not. In everyday life, we should live in such a way that our simple word is reliable.

  • Honesty in all circumstances: Jesus was primarily addressing the common practice of people using oaths casually or as a way to evade responsibility (as seen with the Pharisees’ misuse of oaths in Matthew 23:16-22). He wants His followers to be known for their truthfulness in all situations, not only when under oath.

2. The Context of Courtroom Oaths  

In a court of law, the purpose of swearing an oath is to underscore the seriousness of giving truthful testimony. While the formal act of swearing in court involves a legal custom, it is fundamentally about ensuring that the person provides honest testimony before the court.

  • Participation in legal processes: When asked to testify under oath in a courtroom, Christians are not being asked to swear frivolously or in a deceitful manner, but rather to affirm that they will tell the truth in a legal setting. This aligns with Jesus’ teaching about the importance of truthfulness.
  • Biblical examples of legal oaths: Even though Jesus advises against swearing oaths in ordinary conversation, there are examples in Scripture where oaths are used in legal or formal settings. For instance, in Hebrews 6:16, the writer acknowledges that oaths are sometimes used to confirm promises and settle disputes, which suggests that formal oaths have their place, particularly in settings where truthfulness is of critical importance.

3. Differentiating Between Casual Oaths and Legal Testimony  

Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:33-37 critiques the misuse of oaths in everyday speech, where people would swear by various things to manipulate situations or to avoid keeping their promises. In contrast, an oath in a court of law is a serious and formal affirmation made to ensure truthfulness in legal proceedings, and it does not carry the same manipulative or deceitful overtones.

  • Legal oaths reflect responsibility: Testifying under oath in a courtroom does not contradict Jesus' teaching but rather reflects the seriousness of one’s responsibility to speak the truth. When Christians swear to tell the truth in court, they are publicly affirming their intention to be honest, which is in harmony with Jesus’ call for truthfulness.

4. Affirmation as an Alternative  

In many legal systems, individuals have the option to make an affirmation rather than swearing an oath in court. This is done to accommodate religious or personal beliefs about oath-taking. An affirmation is simply a formal declaration that one will tell the truth without invoking the name of God or other sacred entities.

  • Affirming truthfulness: For Christians who interpret Jesus’ teaching as a strict prohibition against swearing oaths, making an affirmation is an appropriate way to uphold the law while still aligning with personal convictions. Whether swearing or affirming, the core principle remains the same: the commitment to tell the truth.

Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:33-37 is not a blanket prohibition against taking oaths in formal, legal settings like courtrooms, where the intent is to underscore the importance of truthfulness. Instead, Jesus is emphasizing the need for honesty and integrity in all aspects of life. When testifying in court, Christians can either take an oath or make an affirmation to speak truthfully, depending on their convictions. The key point is that they are expected to tell the truth, as Jesus calls for truthfulness in all circumstances.

  1. Why should oaths be unnecessary for Jesus’ followers?

    Oaths should be unnecessary for Jesus’ followers because, as He teaches in Matthew 5:33-37, a follower of Christ is called to live with such integrity and truthfulness that their simple "yes" or "no" is trustworthy in itself. Jesus highlights the importance of a life marked by sincerity and honesty, where one’s word is reliable without needing an oath to back it up. Here are the key reasons why oaths should be unnecessary for Jesus’ followers:

1. Living with Integrity  

Jesus calls His followers to a standard of consistent integrity. A Christian’s word should be truthful and dependable at all times, so there should be no need for them to swear oaths to affirm their honesty.

  • Integrity in speech: When Jesus says, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37), He is pointing to the idea that Christians should be known for their honesty. Their words should be straightforward and truthful, whether they are making a formal commitment or engaging in everyday conversation. If someone needs to swear an oath to be believed, it implies that their regular word might not be reliable.

2. Reflecting God’s Character  

God’s followers are called to reflect His character, and God is always truthful. Hebrews 6:18 states that it is impossible for God to lie, and as His followers, Christians are to model their lives on His truthfulness.

  • Being trustworthy like God: Since God’s nature is one of perfect truth, Jesus’ followers are called to be people whose words can be trusted without the need for an oath. This reflects God's own faithfulness and reliability. Christians are to live in such a way that their actions and words demonstrate their commitment to the truth, showing the world the consistency of God’s character through their lives.

3. Oaths Suggest a Lack of Trustworthiness in Everyday Speech  

The need for oaths often arises from a suspicion that someone’s normal word may not be truthful or reliable. In Jesus' time, people would swear by various things (heaven, earth, Jerusalem, etc.) to give added weight to their statements. However, Jesus teaches that a life of honesty and integrity makes such oaths unnecessary.

  • Truthfulness should be standard: By instructing His followers to simply let their “yes” mean yes and their “no” mean no, Jesus is stressing that His disciples should not need extra reinforcement for their words. If oaths are required to convince others of the truth, it implies that people might not be trusted without them, which is not the way Christians should live. Their truthfulness should be evident in all situations.

4. Avoiding Manipulation and Deception  

In Jesus’ day, oaths were often used to manipulate the truth. People made distinctions between oaths that were binding and those that were not (Matthew 23:16-22), allowing for deception or excuses for breaking promises. Jesus rejects this kind of behavior.

  • Simplicity and honesty: Jesus teaches that followers should not engage in the complex systems of oath-taking that were used to deceive or evade responsibility. By telling His followers to simply say yes or no, He calls for straightforward honesty without room for manipulation. The simplicity of one’s word should be sufficient, reflecting the straightforward nature of truth.

5. Honoring God in Everyday Speech  

Swearing oaths often involved invoking sacred things, such as heaven or the temple, as a way to strengthen one’s promise. However, Jesus teaches that everything belongs to God, and casually swearing by such things dishonors Him. He says, “Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool” (Matthew 5:34-35).

  • All speech is sacred: Since God is sovereign over all things, every word we speak is said in His presence. Jesus' followers should recognize that their daily speech should honor God without the need to invoke sacred things to make their words more credible. By making oaths unnecessary, Jesus calls His followers to realize that all their words matter and should be truthful before God at all times.

6. Avoiding Legalism and Hypocrisy  

The Pharisees used oaths in a legalistic and hypocritical way, creating systems where some oaths were binding and others were not. This allowed people to appear righteous while manipulating the truth. Jesus opposes such legalism and calls for sincerity in all dealings.

  • True righteousness: Jesus wants His followers to avoid the legalistic mentality that tries to find loopholes in promises or words. Instead of relying on oaths to appear righteous, Christians should be genuinely committed to truthfulness in all situations. Jesus contrasts the Pharisees' hypocritical use of oaths with the true integrity He desires from His disciples.

For Jesus' followers, oaths should be unnecessary because their lives are to be marked by truth, integrity, and consistency in all circumstances. When a Christian speaks, their words should be trustworthy, reflecting the character of God, who is always faithful and true. By living with such integrity, there is no need for elaborate oaths to guarantee the truth, as their simple "yes" or "no" should carry the full weight of honesty and reliability. Jesus’ teaching calls His followers to a higher standard of truthfulness that goes beyond the need for formal vows, emphasizing that every word should be spoken with sincerity and truth.

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Critical Reminder

I pray to write with humility, accuracy, and reverence, staying true to God’s Word and message.
2 Timothy 2:15
James 3:1
Deuteronomy 4:2
2 Peter 1:20-21
Proverbs 30:5-6
Psalm 119:160
Acts 17:11
Revelation 22:18-19
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